Wake-up call (for England, Accrington and Tonbridge Angels)

So it's just a dream. Good! I'm looking forward to waking up then, because for a moment there I thought Emile Heskey was going to start for England against Israel this weekend.

But of course, I'm joshing with you. I know I'm not dreaming because the pinch hurt like a bitch. I must confess to having a rather skewed opinion of Heskey playing for England again because I read the tabloid with the boobies in, and because I can't be bothered to think for myself (hence the tabloid) I'm told what to think, and if I can't find an obvious reason to argue against it, then I'll adopt it. However, I did notice that a certain Harry Redknapp is supporting Steve McLaren's decision to recall the old warhorse Heskey. And whatever Harry says, I agree. I think he's probably the most overlooked English manager never to be considered for the national job. I don't like his face, though; it looks like it's made out of rubber - and his eyelids simply make me squirm. Not as much as Steve Bruce's nose, but more than Arsene Wenger's mouth reminds me of Cancer Man out of The X-Files.

It's possible that tomorrow's attendances may be affected by the fact that football won't be the only sport on offer. The rugby world cup kicked off today and will continue tomorrow, and the England cricket team will be playing the final game of their seven-match one-day series against India at Lord's. It's the decider, so hold on to your hats!

Talking of attendances, Accrington Stanley were in the news this week for sharing a particular attribute with Charlie Dimmock: they both visibly lack support. It's a news story I'm extremely familiar with because I had Sky Sports News on permanently the other night, and I soon came to realise why people don't stay on the channel for more than ten minutes at a time. I heard Micah Richards say that same bloody spiel over and over again about the Steven Gerrard injection business which, to be honest, has bored the tits off me. It's a complete no-brainer for me: let the player make the decision. If he wants to play and have the injection, then let him. If it upsets Rafa Benitez then let Gerrard sort it out with him. But I've just remembered - players and managers don't speak directly to one another any more because agents make good mediums, apparently. I wouldn't agree with that, because I happen to think agents are greedy, selfish bastards, who are only out to look after themselves.

So then, as I was saying, Accrington Stanley. They've been getting poorer attendances since climbing back into the Football League, so it raises the obvious question: should the twins have won Big Brother 8? Sorry, I'm getting my wires crossed here. Stanley have lost all their home matches this season (two in the league, one in the Johnston'e Paint Trophy) and they're probably going to struggle to get more than 2,000 in to watch tomorrow's home game against Grimsby Town.

While just above them in League 1 Dirty Leeds United are attracting the sort of attendance that even the most well-supported Championship club would be proud of. They have the highest average attendance for a club outside the Premier League, which, on first glance, is impressive but, on second glance, shouldn't be all that surprising. Leeds is a massive city.

I mentioned the Johnstone's Paint Trophy there, didn't I? Well I reckon Leeds should be in the draw for the second round, which takes place on Sky's Soccer AM tomorrow morning. I've never understood the system to this competition. Year after year it fails to get a sponsor that can give it a name that'll make it sound like something other than a cup for Sunday League sides, and year after year it keeps changing its format. 16 clubs were given a bye into the second round, and not only that but they've now split the northern and southern sections into sub-sections. If there was a plan behind this idea then I'd like to see it, because it appears to have just generated an absolute farce, as the last time I checked Oldham wasn't in the north east. How embarrassing, then, that Dirty Leeds have to play in such a competition. They'll also have to play in the FA Cup first round, and I'm praying they get drawn away againts Liskeard Athletic or someone like that.

In the light of this latest post having become a bit boring I think it's only fitting to end it with a story from the Non League Today newspaper, which, despite the title, is a weekly publication. It tells of the greatest comeback in the history of football when, at 2-0 down with 14 seconds of normal time remaining, Hendon netted three times to eventually win 3-2. The unlucky side were Tonbridge Angels who, after a quick Google search, appear to be rather fond of conceding record-like achievements as Margate striker Charlie Side also scored three quick goals against them - a hat-trick inside eight minutes, it appears. Go Tonbridge!